I don’t mean a back flip or a somersault. I mean can you be experiencing a difficult situation and find a way to flip your thinking and look for the positive spin?
You don’t get the promotion you thought you would get, your work gets criticised, your ideas are disagreed with, you don’t get into the course you wanted.
When bad things happen, our response is often to zoom in on the negative – what went wrong, who’s to blame, or why it’s unfair. Whilst this reaction is natural, it’s also limiting. In the words of the famous stoic philosopher Epictetus: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
Flipping your thinking doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine; it means deliberately choosing a positive perspective. A mindset that gives you more control, resilience, and opportunity to grow.
The first step in flipping your thinking is to reflect on your initial reaction. You might feel frustration, anger, or disappointment. Instead of suppressing these feelings, acknowledge them: “This is hard,” or “I’m annoyed about this.” This helps create space between you and the situation, space that will allow you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
It is also important to understand that our emotions are our response, they aren’t the situation. Is there another way to look at this?
Some situations are out of our control or parts of the situation are out of our control. Having the wisdom to know what we can and can’t control allows you to focus on the things you can control.
Flipping your thinking also involves looking for the lesson. Every setback contains some form of feedback. It might reveal a skill gap, highlight a poor decision, or show you the importance of preparation, patience, or communication. When you actively search for the lesson, you transform a negative experience into a meaningful one. Instead of asking, “Why did this happen to me?” you begin asking, “What is this trying to teach me?”
Then, reset. If this is something that you truly want, then surely you should try to find another way to achieve it. What needs to be different? What can I do next time? Who can I ask for help or advice?
The language we use is important in resetting. Instead of saying “this is a disaster” you can reword it to “this is a challenge”. Instead of “I failed”, say “I haven’t succeeded yet”. The first statements shut things down, the second opens up opportunity.
Finally, be grateful. Gratitude is powerful. Be grateful for the opportunity to try again, that someone had the courage to tell you there was room for improvement, that you have people who can support you in your next attempt.
Flipping your thinking is a skill, and like all skills it can be improved with practice. Flipping doesn’t remove difficulties, but it can change your relationship with them. Instead of being defined by what goes wrong, you become the person who adapts, learns, and moves forward.
In the words of Wayne Dyer: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Gary Bruce is a counsellor (GaryBruceCounselling) and coach (Going Beyond Results), MHFA Instructor and registered teacher with over 35 years’ experience. His counselling practice is based in New Farm and provides both in person and online appointments with a focus on youth and male mental health. He holds a Masters of Counselling and qualifications in Solution Focussed Counselling and ADHD counselling and coaching.
To find out more email coachgbr1@gmail.com or follow him on LinkedIn (GaryRBruce) or Facebook (Going Beyond Results).
