Published July 2025
As our High School and University students enjoy the mid-year break many will be celebrating great results. Others, however, will have results that are not what they hoped for and will require serious reflection.
All parents want the best for their children. A natural trap parents can fall into is to try and fix any and all problems for their kids. This does nothing to develop the skills and resilience that we want our young people to have. How can parents avoid this trap of becoming a helicopter parent (hovering over) or even worse a lawn mower parent (clearing the path of all obstacles)?
At a time when young people are typically embracing greater independence, will an over involved parent stifle this developing independence and what will be the impact on the parent – child relationship. How can a parent support without stifling the development of independence?
A possible starting point is creating a regular family habit of shared contemplative reflection. An example of this could be “rose, bud and thorn”. At a family meal or regular get together each member of the family shares the highlight of their week (the sweet smelling rose), the thing they are looking forward to (the bud) and the lowlight (thorn).
Other families might use the sporting analogy of a pure shot and a mulligan. What is something I did really well and what is the thing I’d like to go back and have a second shot at.
Importantly all members of the family share. The power of a parent setting the example by reflecting on their week, sharing their achievements but also the areas they could have done better is significant.
An important part of the process is celebrating the positives. It is easy to focus just on what went wrong but almost always there are many things that have been done well. Celebrate the positive, reflect on the things that could have been done better and put in place a plan to improve. The trap of becoming purely focussed on the negatives is one to be avoided.
The plan should be developed by the young person not the parent. If they create and own the solution it is much more powerful. As a parent ask, “what could you do differently next time”? Avoid telling them what they should do. It is more beneficial to listen and encourage them to come up with the plan. If they struggle perhaps ask, “what have you done in the past that worked, could you do this again”
If they struggle to come up with a plan, then who can they turn to for help. Every school and University have people charged with supporting their students. The process of seeking appropriate help is developing independence and self-reliance that will be vital later in life. Encourage them to reach out and access appropriate support.
Whilst as a parent your initial response may be to jump in and solve any problem, pause and encourage your child to reflect and work to put in place a plan. Empowering them is the most powerful thing you can do for them.
Gary Bruce is a youth counsellor (Gary Bruce Counselling), coach (Going Beyond Results), Mental Health First Aid Instructor and registered teacher with over 35 years’ experience. He works online and in person to support adolescents from age 15 to 24 achieve positive outcomes. He delivers training in Mental Health First Aid to teachers, parents’ coaches, and employers of youth.
