Steam is amazing. It’s used in cooking and cleaning, heating and sterilisation. In industry it has many uses and in the past it powered locomotives across the country. And who doesn’t enjoy a relaxing sauna.
In our work assisting adolescents to overcome anxiety we also use STEAM. For every Situation we confront, our Thoughts, Emotions and Actions have the potential to lead us to a Mess or something Magical.
An example:
I’m out for a walk and a work colleague passes by. I smile and prepare to stop for a chat, but they ignore me. They just walk past and don’t even acknowledge me.
I get angry. How dare they. They deliberately ignored me. They are so rude. I’ll get them, I’m going to tell everyone at work how rude they are.
WAIT. STOP. JUST DON’T DO IT.
Whilst the Situation (S) is correct – yes they did not stop and talk, everything after that is my choice. I chose to Think (T) they had deliberately ignored me, I allowed the Emotion (E) of anger to come to the surface, I decided to take the Action (A) of getting square and telling everyone they are rude.
Perhaps they were having a bad day and were just too distracted to see me. Perhaps they had just received some bad news. Perhaps the sun was in their eyes or maybe they went for a walk without their glasses on.
The chance of creating a Mess (M) is very high.
Perhaps a different TEA would be better. I’m Thinking they wouldn’t normally act like that, I’m feeling concerned (E) that something might be wrong. I think I’ll text and check they are okay (A).
The choice of TEA is ours. We just need to practice catching ourselves before we let a bad TEA create a Mess.
We can do the same for Situations that make us feel anxious. Whilst we may not be able change the Situation, we can (with practice) change our Thinking, Emotions and Actions and hopefully end up with something Magical instead of a Mess.
We can practice flipping our Thinking and try to find different ways to think about the same situation. “What if it wasn’t that? What else could it be?”
If we practice flipping our Thinking and investigating other ways to look at a Situation it may lead to different Emotions and choosing Actions that create a more Magical outcome.
The TEA is a choice we make. If we can’t change the Situation (and in a lot of cases we can’t) then let’s learn to take control of our TEA.
Gary Bruce is a youth counsellor and coach, MHFA Instructor and registered teacher with over 35 years’ experience. His business “Going Beyond Results”, works online and in person to support adolescents from age 15 to 24 overcome assessment anxiety and achieve positive outcomes and delivers training in Mental Health First Aid to teachers, parents’ coaches, and employers of youth.
